Welcome to my blog page “Calm Transitions for Better Wellness and Healing” and my updated website for Awakening Wellness Healing and Coaching with Savita. The "tech stuff" is always a learning curve for me, but at the end of 2021, despite some resistance and hesitancy, I jumped in determined to update my website by spring of 2022.
My husband Keith encouraged me. He said it would be a great project to accomplish and reassured me that I could do it and he would help me along the way. In March 2022, my beloved husband was killed in a fatal car accident. As you can imagine, my life was suddenly turned upside down and life as I've known it would never be the same. Through the darkest days when numbness and sadness felt cemented into my bones, I couldn't image getting anything completed, let alone my website. The shock from this event put me under the covers. My mind was steeped in denial, trying to make sense of something that made no sense.
This past year has been a year of experiencing the five stages of grief that the famous psychologist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, coined. Recently, one of my client's asked me if I believe that there are 5 stages of grief. For me, this devastating loss has shown me that indeed there are 5 stages, and more, in the grieving process. I would add feeling lost and confused to Kubler-Ross’s list. They don't necessarily come in perfect order. My heart and mind have been consumed with processing waves of emotions in no certain order or timing. Grief comes on its own time. The tools I've taught my clients over the years have been in full play during this past year. I allow myself to fully feel my feelings. I frequently use slow and deep yogic breathing techniques to relax into my body whenever I need. This helps so I can move through what is arising internally, in the moment. There are no predetermined intervals for the 5 stages (Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Sadness, and Acceptance) or the accompanying waves of emotions. It can be minutes, days, weeks, months or even years for some people. Anything can trigger a wave regardless of the stage. Because grief isn't particular about where or when it wants attention, I’ve been abducted at the grocery store, driving, watching silly movies, in casual conversations, just about anywhere it decides it needs to be heard and felt. I’ve learned to trust this process and with each wave there is some relief. I've become dependent on writing, thinking, resting, listening to music that triggers a good cry, lots of alone time and time for friends and loved ones. Simple rituals like creating alters, lighting a candle, writing Keith notes or slow walks and talks with him in nature has helped me feel more connected to my beloved who now travels in the unseen realms. I feel him sometimes and get signs he is close and then other times, all I can feel is an unending emptiness that can feel like eternity. Regardless, feeling is healing. And I am doing my best at that.
Also this deep and significant loss has brought awareness to many other losses I’ve gone through in my life that I swept under the carpet or pushed through without completely feeling. There has been loss from divorced parents, deaths of family members and friends, miscarriages, loss of relationships, pets, jobs, missed opportunities and even body parts. In general, we’ve been conditioned to “get over it," stuff the feelings and move on with life. I’m learning to let go of the “shoulds" and embrace self-compassion and ultimately know I’m ok in my process and it’s okay. Everyone grieves in their own way.
Grief suspends time and yet the seasons have changed from spring to summer, summer to autumn and now winter to spring again. On March 23rd, 2023 it will be Keith's 1-year departure date, right on the tail of the spring equinox, a significant time for new beginnings. Throughout this past year I’ve experienced the awkwardness of "firsts": birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, births and deaths, cherished memories, realization that future plans will never come to fruition along with all the emotions that shadow moving with grief. As life goes on grief softens and becomes easier to manage. The loss will never go away. It’s an empty space felt in my heart.
As the spring arrives, I'm beginning to accept that this is my life now. I'm not exactly sure what new seeds are being planted this spring but I do know for sure that new seeds are being planted. I know that Keith is no longer my earth angel but he’s still with me as a guardian angel and part of my Divine Team.
Every day I give thanks for what we had and for as long as we had it. 25 years together, 23 in marriage. I am privileged to be so blessed. I remember Keith’s philosophy on death. Simply, “Death is a part of life." We never question why a baby is born, but we often question why someone dies... too soon, tragically or gracefully. I wish it was a different story but the joy of birth is equal to the sadness of death in this dualistic world we live in. As I move into acceptance of the this “what is” and I allow everything to be as it is, I feel moments of peace in my heart again. It’s an on-going, and ever-changing process. My new life is in process. I can't see the future but as spring arrives and new life is breaking ground, I feel hopeful, not exactly renewed but hopeful. The loss of my beloved lives in my heart and still, I'm moving forward. To welcome in new beginnings and spring, I've planned a trip to Costa Rica. Keith and I were at our best traveling. We loved the adventures of sacred places. He will be with me, but in a different way. The universe is telling me it's my time to step into my self-sovereignty. I can travel as one. I will be okay. I Am confident and secure.
It may seem simple but this mantra has gotten me through this past year.
It has helped in so many ways. It brings perspective and new possibility. Whether it's paying the bills, taking myself out to dinner, showing up as one, figuring stuff out, the list goes on... new beginnings. The we is now me and I'm getting better every day.
Thank you for allowing me to share a glimpse of my grief journey with you. If you want to learn more or need tools to support your journey please reach out. I am here for you while I’m walking through my own journey. As one of my teacher's said, "Life is a journey, not a destination. " We are put on this planet to experience all of life!
Savita Laura Jachim.